Lost and Found

I often wonder what I would say to an old acquaintance who stumbled upon my blog or website in a random search. Even for those as recent as my college friends, I am no longer the person they remember. He is gone away. Sorry.

Born a cultural Christian, I spent my youth thinking God was a cuddly, understanding enabler. I believed he wanted me to be happy; that because I was a good person, good things would happen to me. It sure felt good to believe this. God was whoever I wanted him to be. Alas, like the point in a dream in which one realizes the details are false, I too felt something pull me away. The problem with basing faith on one's own desires and perceptions is that they constantly change; it is a tiring work of recreating a creator to fit an ever-changing worldview. I grew weary in my search.

My first mistake was thinking that I had been pursuing God my whole life; I had simply been pursuing myself. Like a cat chasing her tail, the truth I wanted so desperately to hold always slipped away. Not until the gentle hand of Jesus Christ tapped me on the shoulder and pulled me aside did I realize the futility of my own search for significance.

My next mistake was more severe. I assumed that once I knew that I was wrong in my approach, all would be made right. I joined a church, helped the youth, and played on the worship team, thinking everything would be fine. I could say that Jesus was my savior, and that He was the only way, but I did not truly understand why. Fortunately, God is full of love and grace, and He quickly set my heart in the right direction. Being the academic that I am, He led me to the bible. Over the next year, I read through the entire book, starting with the Old Testament. Reading through God's promise and plan made me yearn for a savior. I could understand my sin; knowing now that being good is not the same as being righteous.


Broken for You.

If you found me digging around the internet, I am glad. Please take this as a forwarding address to the person I now am. I would love to hear from you.